The Kiwi league legend was convicted for importing methamphetamine from India. Photo: PHOTOSPORT
Former NZ Warriors star Manu Vatuvei says he will carry the shame of his drug conviction for the rest of his life.
While Vatuvei is ready to move on from his time in prison, he understands the public is much less forgiving.
In a brutal fall from grace, the Kiwi league legend was convicted for importing $200,000 of methamphetamine from India in 2022.
He was sentenced to three years and seven months in prison, but was paroled under special conditions in May 2023.
Once adored by the New Zealand public, 'The Beast' forfeited years of goodwill built up through his recordbreaking feats, as well as winning Dancing with the Stars in 2019.
"I don't wish what I went through upon anyone," he said. "Bouncing back from where I was before, it was hard.
"You have some good people that will be there to support me, and there will be those people that dislike me because of what I did, but that's part of it.
"I take ownership of what I did and I'm accountable for it, and now I'm changing my life again and rebuilding from the start. I've been there before, rebuilding myself, so I can do it again."
Vatuvei said he continued to carry the weight of his decisions.
"I'm ready to move forward, but it'll always be on me, everything that I've done. At the end of the day, I just use that as fuel to make me work harder to rebuild again.
"All the hate that I get, I'll just use that as energy to show that I'm doing something good."
Vatuvei is trying to use his experience to encourage other rugby league players to speak out, when struggling with mental health. He admitted having suicidal thoughts, as his name was dragged through the mud.
Manu Vatuvei at RUNIT Auckland, Trusts Stadium. Photo: Andrew Cornaga / Photosport
"We don't show how hurt we are or if we've got an injury, we just keep playing. We don't want to show the opponent that we're hurt, then they'll keep targeting us, so we don't want to be that weak link in there."
He implored players not to suffer in silence.
"If there's something wrong, you will have someone there that you could talk to and support you. I did, but I was old school way, just 'get over it and keep moving forward'.
"Eventually, it just got worse and it caught up with me."
Vatuvei has used his time after prison working alongside Dave Letele's Buttabean Motivation (BBM) team.
"I help a lot of people through training and, for what we do with David, I owe him a lot. He never looked down at me or anything.
"He just took me under his wing and gave me the opportunity, but then it was up to me to work my ass off. He just opened the door, and then I just had to walk in and make the move.
"Now I'm just working hard and giving back to our community again, sharing my story with the people I train, because they go through a lot with mental battles.
"I've been through mental battles too, so I'm just happy that I can show support in that way."
Manu Vatuvei is trying to help other footy players struggling with mental health. Photo: Andrew Cornaga / Photosport
Vatuvei has also engaged in public speaking, particularly to youth about taking wrong paths.
"I'm just trying to rebuild and find opportunities elsewhere... just do what's given to me and hopefully do something positive."
Vatuvei did try to get back into rugby last year, but his body would not allow it.
"I've been away from the game for a while now. I tried to play some grassroots footy for my club and I just kept getting injured.
"I had hamstring problems and then I dislocated my shoulder on my last game, so it just says that my body has had enough, now it's just time for me to move on with life.
"I was still hanging onto it, I still had hopes, but after that, it was time to hang it up and focus on my family and focus on something to provide for them."
Where to get help:
- Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737 any time to speak to a trained counsellor, for any reason
- Lifeline: 0800 543 354 or text HELP to 4357
- Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 / 0508 TAUTOKO. This is a service for people who may be thinking about suicide, or those who are concerned about family or friends
- Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 or text 4202
- Samaritans: 0800 726 666
- Youthline: 0800 376 633 or text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nz
- What's Up: 0800 WHATSUP / 0800 9428 787. This is free counselling for 5 to 19-year-olds
- Asian Family Services: 0800 862 342 or text 832. Languages spoken: Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai, Japanese, Hindi, Gujarati, Marathi, and English.
- Rural Support Trust Helpline: 0800 787 254
- Healthline: 0800 611 116
- Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
- OUTLine: 0800 688 5463
- Aoake te Rā bereaved by suicide service: or call 0800 000 053
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
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