Cricket quips and Kiwi ships: Behind the scenes of Christopher Luxon’s India trip

Christopher Luxon has concluded his first trip to India since becoming prime minister, a visit which saw the restart of trade talks, the tightening of defence ties, and more than a spot of cricket.

RNZ deputy political editor Craig McCulloch pulls back the curtain on the nature of prime ministerial travel.

Day zero

Bleary-eyed travellers arrive at Whenuapai Airbase base in the twilight hours of Saturday, bags in tow, ready for the first leg of their journey to Delhi. The flight will see them skip through Cairns and then stop in Singapore for the night.

For many in the travelling pack, the experience is a novelty, given this is the first trip of its kind to include a delegation of community leaders.

As well, first-time 757-flier Tourism Minister Louise Upston is left to represent the government alone - with Luxon and Ethnic Communities Minister Mark Mitchell flying commercial to Singapore later in the day (allowing them to attend March 15 commemorations in Christchurch first).

A certain former MP - who is not new to trade missions - arrives at the airbase dressed in shorts and a hoodie. He is quietly asked to change into trousers to meet the Defence Force dress code.

Two Boeing 757s wait on the tarmac, one for delegation members and the other, for kapa haka performers.

More seasoned Air Force travellers note the benefit of having two planes, given their track record of getting off the ground. A few nervous faces are noted during the typical shuddering take-off.

No need for alarm. The plane ably makes it to Singapore for a night's stop-over, and the delegation waits to be joined by Luxon and Mitchell the next morning.

Day one

The delegation returns to Singapore's flatteringly titled CIP [Commercially Important Person] terminal at Changi Airport for the second leg to Delhi.

An odd quirk of airport regulations sees many of the delegation temporarily stripped of their toiletries (containers larger than 100mls) before then having them returned when back on the plane.

One of the Defence Force staff wanders down the aisle wielding a box full of toothpaste, deodorant and shaving cream, periodically chirping: "Come get your toiletries!"

Luxon makes his arrival to a smattering of applause. He remarks on the well-rested and fresh faces of the delegation: "You guys look how I want to feel!"

Some six hours later, the plane touches down at New Delhi's Palam Airforce Base. The media quickly exit out the back to capture footage of the prime minister disembarking from the front.

Blaring music competes with the roaring plane noise as a small group of traditional folk dancers put on a show.

Local media scatter across the tarmac to capture their shots as Luxon is whisked away in a waiting limousine to begin his jam-packed programme.

The route to Luxon's hotel is dotted with welcome banners every 100 or so metres, as many as 40 in total, each one featuring the prime minister's grinning profile.

On arrival, reporters discover - via a tweet from Indian media - that New Zealand and India have agreed to restart trade talks.

The Indian government has beaten New Zealand's to the punch and put out the announcement several hours earlier.

Day two

Reporters head to the grand Hyderabad House to see Prime Minister Narendra Modi welcome Luxon to the country. Or at least that is the idea.

Security guards deny reporters from bringing in power banks, phone chargers, medication, water bottles, and then, the final indignity, laptops. Inexplicably, mobile phones are given the all clear.

Reporters are then informed only those with a professional camera will be allowed outside to witness the welcome.

Protestations are met by a bemused security guard with a quiet chuckle and firm shake of his head.

Radio and print reporters are ushered instead to two internal holding rooms, separated by gender, their eyes denied the privilege of the Modi handshake and hug.

Several local Indian media later join, pull out their laptops and tap merrily away, while New Zealand media watch on aghast.

• Luxon meets Modi in India: 'We believe in policies of development'

Modi and Luxon deliver remarks following their meeting but don't take questions. Luxon jokes they have avoided a "major diplomatic incident" by not raising either side's cricketing record.

The comment clearly tickles Modi who laughs for an uncomfortably long time after Luxon has moved on to more serious matters.

The usually bustling India Gate Park is shut down entirely for Luxon to later take questions from reporters with the landmark in the background.

On arrival, everyone must have their equipment scanned and a wand waved up and down their body.

One reporter's upper thigh repeatedly sets off the wand without explanation. It eventually reaches the point of farce, so much so the guard giggles, shakes his head, and waves the reporter through.

Both Modi and Luxon then head to the Raisina Dialogue where Luxon has been named chief guest. Luxon revives his cricketing gag in his opening speech - again to sustained laughter.

Just three reporters are permitted into the event in person, with the rest provided a link to a livestream.

Initially, the reporters are also disallowed entry, but after some back-and-forth with security they are let in - though again they must leave their laptops behind.

The laptops are handed over to a security guard who pops them behind a curtain. It is uncertain whether they will ever see them again.

Day three

Luxon begins the day with a visit to Swaminarayan Akshardham, the largest Hindu temple in India.

Again, only a small group of media are allowed along. Women are advised to stay out of the eyeline of the high priest.

The media are not the only ones to experience difficulties with access. The community delegation finds itself 40 minutes late to an event after being stopped by a blockade for Luxon's motorcade en route to the same location.

Luxon then heads to the snappily titled Federation of Indian Chambers of Commerce and Industry Partnership NZ-India Business and Economic Forum.

On paper, it seems likely to bore everyone to tears. In reality, it is the most newsworthy moment of the day as speakers engage in a sort-of-bidding war to hasten the deadline for a trade deal.

An audacious 90-day challenge suddenly becomes a 60-day expectation. New Zealand's top trade negotiator Vangelis Vitalis is in the audience, no doubt sweating bullets.

One attendee is overheard jokingly suggesting to Vitalis that he should cancel his flight home.

Luxon later stresses that the rapidly diminishing timeline should not be taken literally. This clarification does not reach some Indian media who continue to report the 60-day goal earnestly.

From there, it's off to a game of street cricket, organised by charity STAIRS.

Cricket-tragic Luxon is clearly thrilled to meet Indian legend Kapil Dev, describing the cricketeer as one of his childhood heroes.

The two are joined by New Zealand cricketeers and delegation members Ross Taylor and Ajaz Patel to smack a few balls with a group of underprivileged Indian kids.

Luxon's first hit sends a ball flying straight into a crouching journalist, filming on his phone. Luxon swears it was accidental.

The prime minister later redeems himself with a catch off the side of Patel's bat. "Please tell me someone got that on camera?" pleads one of Luxon's hopeful spin doctors.

Luxon tells the children the game could well be the highlight of his trip.

That would explain his irritation in the subsequent media conference where questions focused less on his cricketing prowess and more on the likelihood, or not, of turning trade talks into a concrete deal.

Luxon becomes increasingly snippy as the questions persist: "You've seen enough, and we've exposed you enough to see how good the [NZ-India] relationship is."

He accuses the media of having been "deeply sceptical" of all manner of things - including whether he'd even get an invite to India - which is news to the members of said media.

That rogue ball is now seeming a whole lot less accidental.

Day four

The delegation returns to Delhi Airbase at an ungodly hour to set off for Mumbai, which will play host to Luxon for the second half of his programme.

The road to the airport is again dotted with Luxon's large face. This time the banners read: "thank you for your visit".

It's clear a few dusty delegation members have partaken in some of Ross Taylor's rum the night before, and a certain former MP receives a round of applause for managing to make it on the plane.

On touchdown in Mumbai, Luxon is straight off the aircraft and on his way to visit a division of Tata Group, India's largest conglomerate.

The prime minister tells another cricket joke. By now, it is wearing rather thin on the delegation who can barely muster a half-chuckle. The locals, however, love it.

The benefit of a prime ministerial motorcade becomes quickly apparent in Mumbai as it whips past gridlocked traffic on all sides.

Asked how long the 20-minute journey would usually take, a local stares blankly and shrugs: "Hours."

Media head to the Bombay Stock Exchange, where Luxon is expected to speak before hitting a large gong to mark the close of markets.

Alas, the PM is running late, and the large red digital clock is ticking down the minutes to the 5pm close.

At last, Luxon arrives, and the speakers launch into the programme with rapidity, each rattling through their speeches with increasing pace.

Even the typically loquacious Luxon keeps his remarks brief. And the 10 second countdown for Luxon to strike the gong is completed in about half the time. The official photo records the moment of impact: 5:03pm.

One reporter wonders aloud whether Luxon will have to pay the workers' extra three minutes' overtime.

The punishing schedule and lengthy days are starting to take their toll on the delegation and media. Ministers look increasingly haggard and the prime minister delays a media conference twice to give him a short moment's respite.

The day ends with a tourism function attended by top airline bosses and the announcement of maybe, possibly, hopefully, at some point, the start of a direct flight between Delhi and Auckland.

Rest assured, there was another cricket joke.

Day five

The final day and final slog. It begins with a visit to Mumbai's iconic Wankhede stadium, where Luxon and Mitchell again take to the bat with Taylor and Patel.

Luxon's social media guy and part-time sports announcer Jake O'Flaherty announces Luxon's arrival as opening batter with aplomb.

Though cricket diplomacy is no doubt important in India, the exact value of this visit is slightly unclear given it is an all-Kiwi contingent.

The reporters are unbothered, and several suggest staying at the stadium for the remainder of the day.

Instead they head to a cricketing panel hosted by former Black Cap Scott Weenink. Oddly enough, there are no cricket jokes here.

The woman MC-ing the event is bursting with energy, so much so that Luxon suggests she take over as his spokesperson for weekly Post Cabinet media conferences.

Reporters have their eye on the clock, given their deadlines and the impending flight home.

First though, there is a visit to HMNZS Te Kaha which is docked in Mumbai's port.

In an unfortunate turn of events for the prime minister, news back home has broken of job cuts to the Defence Force's civilian workforce.

• Defence focus on Luxon's last day in India

And so Luxon finds himself being grilled over the government's investment in defence while standing on the frigate's bridge, defence staff watching on.

Members of the delegation join soon after for a small bash on board, to close out the trip.

Oysters and champagne are seen being handed out while the media are hurriedly ushered off the vessel, very much not invited.

It brings the trip to a close and the reporters to the airport. There is no night stopover in Singapore on the way back, meaning it's six hours there, six hours to Cairns, and then five hours home.

All of a sudden, that direct flight is looking a lot more appealing.

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